It's Wednesday again. Time for a little walk.
A couple of weeks ago I posted about how Daddy and I met (the short version). This week I'm going to revel in the five years of marriage before Bubba joined us.
Like most new brides, I was looking forward to the day when we'd start our family. Daddy had only one year left on his current enlistment so we decided to wait until we got settled somewhere.
That year rolled around and we decided that we really didn't have anything saved so we COULD leave the military. On May 6, 2002 he re-enlisted for five years.
Little did I know the ride of my life was going to start soon.
Statistics show that about one in three couples struggle with infertility. Let me tell you something. When you're the one struggling it's reeeally hard to find those other people. At my lowest point, I was friends with four other pregnant women. Everywhere I looked there was a growing tummy. It was a constant reminder. Add to that a friend who was going through an unplanned pregnancy and contemplating adoption and I was a wreck! (I thought, "She doesn't WANT to keep her baby and all I can think about is how I can't have one!")
I saw the doctor but never mentioned our desire to have a baby. I was just scared of what I might hear. I wasn't emotionally ready to hear that I'd never be able to be pregnant. I guess I thought suffering in silence left that little glimmer of hope.
The Lord works in mysterious ways, as you know. In August of 2004 Daddy left for Korea. I moved home to spend the year with family instead of living in Texas alone. I was able to concentrate on things other than babies. (I suppose when your husband isn't around and having a baby isn't even a possibility, it lightens the burden some.) When that year was over we headed to Alaska. I had had some time to do some serious soul searching and I was ready to do what had to be done.
A couple of different doses of Metformin proved to be unsuccessful. Next came an ultrasound that diagnosed polycystic ovaries. After that was an endometrial biopsy and, finally a round of Provera. There was talk of Clomid and checking for blockages in my fallopian tubes. Thankfully, the Provera was all that was needed.
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we had done that waaay back when but then I realize that God knew what he was doing. (DUH!)
If I had gotten pregnant right away, we wouldn't have been in a good place financially.
If I had gotten pregnant late in 2003, we would have found out soon after that Daddy was leaving for Korea.
If I had already been pregnant in 2004, I would have had to deliver a baby or care for a baby (or both) by myself for a year.
In the end, December of 2006 was the perfect time.
I wouldn't wish fertility problems on my worst enemy. Imagine wanting nothing more than to have a child with your husband but you can't. You feel broken. You feel like less of a woman because you can't do something that "everyone" else can. You feel like a failure.
It's absolutely the worst feeling in the world.
Looking back now I honestly wouldn't change a thing. That sounds completely crazy after the last paragraph but it's true. Dealing with something like that can make or break a marriage and I'm happy to say we made it. Now I'm thankful for the five years we had as just us. We can never get those years back now that we're Mommy and Daddy.
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