@*#&$%!

I haven't blogged in a while because I haven't had anything new to say.
By now, we had planned to be settled into a new home, (or at least very close to it) looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas. That still isn't the case.

If I could write a letter without my husband getting in trouble for it, I would. This is beyond ridiculous!! The "man" in charge of assignments feels that it's appropriate to ignore emails from his Senior Recruiters on down the chain. Apparently, he sees nothing wrong with the way things are being handled.

I've got news for him.

We just learned the other day that there are a few people from the class BEFORE Chris' that haven't gotten assignments yet. From what we learned, They knew about a shortage of assignments but continued to push people through the class. Good thinking! Even though they knew the situation they continued to lie and promise assignment announcements in the middle of August. So much for integrity.

So, with people ahead of us still waiting for assignments, we aren't going to hear anything soon.
The job search is back on. I was really looking forward to going back to the military life but we just can't sit here and wait. We have to do something. We're to the point now where we're hoping for a phone call from one of the civilian employers so we can just say forget recruiting. Nothing is working out the way we thought it would but I suppose we aren't in charge anyhow, right?

So here we are. We're about to celebrate our SECOND Thanksgiving (and most likely Christmas) living with my parents. I just keep praying that we hear something one way or another soon. I want our lives back.

STILL Waiting

We're still waiting on The Call. I'm trying to remain patient and optimistic, but I'm having a harder and harder time each day. I pray that we get an assignment soon because I fear that our relationship with my family will suffer if we don't move soon. Everyone needs their space and their lives back. Please say a prayer that we hear soon. Just the news of a prospective move will lighten the tension, I'm sure.

Out of Juice

I'm exhausted. Physically I feel fine, yet, I'm still exhausted. I've found myself on the verge of tears several times today.

It's no wonder that I'm losing my mind. I've been on my own with a busy toddler for the better part of two months. I have such an appreciation for single mothers that work full time outside of the home. I am so thankful for a husband that is willing to share in the chores and parenting duties.

During the last (nearly) eight weeks, I have managed to escape twice by myself. The first time I snuck out to return some library books and get a couple of things at the dollar store. That time doesn't count. The second time was for a meeting to plan my upcoming high school reunion. I left a crying child with Grandma while I ran out the door to the bar. Yes, the bar. I had one beer while we chatted about menu options and party preparations. While I felt so much better when I came home, I hardly count this as a night out. (I was only gone long enough to miss dinner time. IIIIII still put him to bed!)

Chris came home last Friday evening and left again this past Thursday. This is a much shorter trip (he'll be back Sunday evening) but he's gone nonetheless. I am thankful for the paycheck that the Reserve provides, albeit small. I'm thankful that I have a husband that works hard for us so I can stay home and raise our son BUT...

I'm mentally spent. I need to recharge. I need to go somewhere and relax without having to keep one eye on You Know Who. Having a husband back for five days hardly gives enough time to get readjusted. Having Daddy leave again soon has sent Alex into a fit of rebellion. If I could count the times that I said, "Alexander William..." today, I'd be rich.

I am a firm believer that time away from your children is important and necessary. The mental break makes you a better parent and the time away gives your child confidence and independence. I'm in need of some time away...and quick!

Home Again, Home Again

Daddy's home!
I'm happy to report that we made it through six weeks with only minor bumps and bruises.
Daddy arrived home Friday evening and we're glad he's here!

Bubba and I arrived at the airport (or "port" as he refers to it as) at around 3:45. The plane was scheduled to arrive at 4:15. I was proud of myself for arriving with time enough to stroll (rather than run) to the baggage claim area AND give Bubba some time to run the wiggles out while we waited.

I wasn't pleased at all to learn that the plane hadn't left Dallas on time so he wasn't scheduled to land until 4:50. Ugh. I had flashbacks of Entertaining a Toddler in a Hotel and I was hoping that Entertaining a Toddler in an Airport wasn't as hefty a task.

No fear though. I am the Master of Distraction and I managed to entertain Bubba while keeping him out of trouble AND out of the way of other passengers. Thank goodness for the stroller, the wall mural of the city of Pittsburgh and Walter (his Build a Bear moose). Poor Walter suffered the effects of boredom (he was body slammed several times) but he took it well.

Bubba wasn't sure what to do when Daddy finally did arrive. He ran toward him but then stopped short of jumping into him. I felt bad because I know Daddy was looking forward to that but the poor little guy was just so confused. He still is, if you ask me.

Chris' class went really well. He ended up receiving two awards: Top Grad and Top Lab Performer. I'm so proud of him! Graduating at the top of the class is supposedly supposed to make the wait for an assignment shorter but we'll see about that. I'm not holding my breath, let's just put it that way.

So all is well. Everyone is together in the same state. We're just trying to be patient while we wait for orders.

(Too Mad to Think of a Title)

After all of the (not so) patient waiting we've done over the last couple of weeks, today was to be the day we were to an assignment. In Chris' words, "They're calling Friday before lunch."

I foolishly hoped that I'd have a text message when I woke up this morning. When my phone "dinged" not ten minutes later, I jumped out of my skin and my heart started racing. The text I received read: "He's calling this afternoon." My response? "Son of a... K." I wasn't going to get my wish of scouring the Internet for information on our new town during nap, but I'd know before dinner time.

How stupid I was to even entertain that idea!!!!

I've been anxiously awaiting the text or call with the good news all day. Many of my wonderful friends (thanks, guys!) have been waiting right along with me. I finally gave in and sent a text message asking what the heck was going on. He called within 15 minutes.

The first words out of his mouth were, "They said they don't have anything available right now." I literally had to ask him to repeat himself. It went right over my head. I was half expecting to hear that we were going to have to wait through the weekend, but I wasn't expecting to hear that we just plain weren't getting an assignment.

Then the tears came. I couldn't stop them. I'm so mad right now! What the @$*& are we supposed to do?!?! He had no civilian job to come home to, we're living with my parents...still, we're running out of money...the list goes on.
The part that chaps my ass the most is that they've known the whole time. Why did they just string everyone, and their families, along for the past couple of weeks? If you're not giving assignments, just say so so we can make plans!!!

Chris' instructors told the class that this is "exactly what they did to the last class and everyone had assignments within two weeks." I certainly hope so.

Part of me is angry that I let my self get excited. I should have known better. We don't run our lives, the United States Air Force Reserve does!!!

I don't know what to think right now. I have a list of people that are waiting on pins and needles to hear where we're going and I have a family here who is anxiously awaiting our news.

I have nothing for any of them. Just nothing.

Help Me to Remember

Lord, I thank and praise you that you've chosen me to be the mother of one of your children. I am in awe at the little life that is changing before my very eyes.

Please help me to remember these fleeting days. I never want to forget them. I want to remember each giggle and each accomplishment. I hope to look back on these years and smile.

Please help me to remember that he is your child, not mine. Guide us as we sculpt him into the man he is to become. Give us strength for the hardships and difficult situations that we will no doubt face as he grows.

Please help me to remember that I am very fortunate. Allow me never to forget those that will never be "mommy". Keep those that have had to say good-bye to a child before they were ready in my constant thoughts. I never wish to become complacent, but always thankful.

I ask for Your continued and constant guidance as I thank and praise You.

Amen

No News ISN'T Good News

It's Friday. I am very UNhappy to report that I have no news. Argh! The military never ceases to frustrate me. I don't know why I got my hopes up. I KNEW that there was no way they were actually going to give assignments during the fourth week LIKE THEY SAID. I shouldn't be surprised and angry, but I am. I've had my heart set on this week since the beginning.

Now it looks like it'll be sometime next week before we know our fate. It had better be anyhow! This is only a six week class and I'd really like to start making plans before the sixth week!

Hurry up and wait, hurry up and wait. This is the story of my life.