The path that our lives has taken isn't what we ever imagined. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes I just have a hard time letting my plan go. I'm learning to "go with the flow" more each day but I still struggle with one thing.
I don't belong here.
I was beyond excited when we were moving home. I've always felt guilty that my grandmother never met Bubba until he was over a year old. I know that it wasn't my fault and she is by no means upset with us but I still feel guilty.
I was so excited to be home among our families and friends. I couldn't wait to catch up with the girls-go shopping, out to lunch, girls night in (or out)...
I'm struggling because it never happens. I know that everyone has their own lives and families to take care of. At the same time I feel like I'm slipping away from my closest friends. The excitement has faded and the promises to get together have stopped coming in. I feel like I've lost touch with the people that I thought I'd never lose touch with.
I have no one to call when there's good news. I have no one to call when nap time rolls around and I just feel like chatting with a girlfriend to pass the afternoon. The two people that I felt like I could share anything with are thousands of miles away. They're just waking up and making breakfast when I'm eating lunch.
Last night I talked to one of those good friends for quite a while (closed in the bathroom so I wouldn't wake the rest of the house with my late night conversation LOL). She's always been the voice of reason for me.
She said this:
"It's hard when you grow up in a small town and none of your family of friends never leave. We left. We've met so many different people from so many different walks of life! It's hard to go back to that small town where no one or nothing ever changes and try to fit in. You just can't live in a little bubble anymore because you've actually seen the world."
I may like to think that I'm the same person that I was when we packed that U-Haul and left Albion in November of 2001 but I'd be fooling myself. I've changed. I've heard stories that no one would believe and I've had experiences that no one would understand...unless you've been there too.
I'm not in that military bubble right now. I may have desperately wanted to pop that bubble a year ago but now I can't wait to get back inside.
5 comments:
Wow girl!! You sound just like me, like you are reading my thoughts!! Ok, now you have to move here! It is settled! LOL
And those words that your friend spoke are so beyond true!! It is hard to accept but it is so very true!!
((HUGS))
Well I want to say I know how you are feeling...Except that I dont have many friends here in the army life... But I understand what you are talking about the "promises to get together" Been there and Done that. My biggest thing is that every since Cooper died, the ones I thought of as being "closest" friends, really could not be around me because of how akward the situation is. But my thought was, if they are my friends, shouldnt they be able to be around me whether it was akward or not???
Just take a deep breath and know that things are going to be better once Chris' job starts to take shape. Keep your chin up lady. You can do it!
**HUGS**
Ah, yep. There *is* an Albion bubble. I can attest to that. Us Springfieldians never really ever break through it when we enter into junior high (that shows how old we are LOL. It was middle school years ago!)
In reality though, unless we all stick with our groupies (which I did not) we all have our own experiences and hopefully we grow and learn and we grow into new people. *Sometimes that means we morph into new groups. Sometimes that includes old friends, but sometimes we outgrow friends. It's sad, but I lost my best best best friend a few years ago to growing pains. It had to happen. We we friends due to circumstance instead of love, and we knew it.
That's why the internet rocks! you can have friends that are friends that are real REAL friends based on compatibility instead of geography! That said, I still REALLY like you even though I went to high school with you!!! LOL. hahaha! You Albion-ite!
I feel ya too. Kevin and I both went home during the time of no job as well and we both knew not to stay long. People seem to change as well as time goes on and live their own lives and it was just not what we'd remembered.
You're definitely not alone here. I didn't even leave for that long. Things were good for a while even when I came back to Erie.
But the people I thought would be the first to come and see Liam have barely even called and I get more kindness (via Facebook) from people I haven't seen in 10 years.
You can always call me. I'm home all day for a while :)
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