The path that our lives has taken isn't what we ever imagined. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes I just have a hard time letting my plan go. I'm learning to "go with the flow" more each day but I still struggle with one thing.
I don't belong here.
I was beyond excited when we were moving home. I've always felt guilty that my grandmother never met Bubba until he was over a year old. I know that it wasn't my fault and she is by no means upset with us but I still feel guilty.
I was so excited to be home among our families and friends. I couldn't wait to catch up with the girls-go shopping, out to lunch, girls night in (or out)...
I'm struggling because it never happens. I know that everyone has their own lives and families to take care of. At the same time I feel like I'm slipping away from my closest friends. The excitement has faded and the promises to get together have stopped coming in. I feel like I've lost touch with the people that I thought I'd never lose touch with.
I have no one to call when there's good news. I have no one to call when nap time rolls around and I just feel like chatting with a girlfriend to pass the afternoon. The two people that I felt like I could share anything with are thousands of miles away. They're just waking up and making breakfast when I'm eating lunch.
Last night I talked to one of those good friends for quite a while (closed in the bathroom so I wouldn't wake the rest of the house with my late night conversation LOL). She's always been the voice of reason for me.
She said this:
"It's hard when you grow up in a small town and none of your family of friends never leave. We left. We've met so many different people from so many different walks of life! It's hard to go back to that small town where no one or nothing ever changes and try to fit in. You just can't live in a little bubble anymore because you've actually seen the world."
I may like to think that I'm the same person that I was when we packed that U-Haul and left Albion in November of 2001 but I'd be fooling myself. I've changed. I've heard stories that no one would believe and I've had experiences that no one would understand...unless you've been there too.
I'm not in that military bubble right now. I may have desperately wanted to pop that bubble a year ago but now I can't wait to get back inside.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Waiting is Hard to Do
I've always been a fairly impatient person.
From a young age I had an ear for music so my parents started me with some piano lessons. I only took them for a couple of years because I "got bored". I didn't want to spend time plunking out one note at a time! I wanted to play like Mozart...now!
When it comes to an idea for a project, etc. I don't like to waste time waiting around. I like to go and get what I need so I can start right away.
You get my point.
I never imagined that we'd literally have to wait for Daddy to lose a few pounds before we could move on with our lives. Never. I know that having him gone for six weeks is going to be tough but I wish he was leaving tomorrow. That would mean that we were going to be able to move on.
Things aren't turning out the way I had imagined at all. I know that this path was chosen for us long before we even realized it and I know that it's going to work out far better than we could have ever planned. That's the beauty of it. ;) It's just so hard waiting to see what's down the road.
I am so anxious to get out of here! I know that the grass is always greener and I'll be homesick two weeks after leaving but I'm still ready. I think we're all at the point where we have come to realize that family is wonderful but sometimes they're so much more wonderful when you can come to visit.
Please say a prayer and think positive thoughts for us. We're really stuck in limbo more now than we ever have been. Please pray that Daddy will say safe and healthy as he loses a few pounds and please say a prayer for patience for everyone in this house.
From a young age I had an ear for music so my parents started me with some piano lessons. I only took them for a couple of years because I "got bored". I didn't want to spend time plunking out one note at a time! I wanted to play like Mozart...now!
When it comes to an idea for a project, etc. I don't like to waste time waiting around. I like to go and get what I need so I can start right away.
You get my point.
I never imagined that we'd literally have to wait for Daddy to lose a few pounds before we could move on with our lives. Never. I know that having him gone for six weeks is going to be tough but I wish he was leaving tomorrow. That would mean that we were going to be able to move on.
Things aren't turning out the way I had imagined at all. I know that this path was chosen for us long before we even realized it and I know that it's going to work out far better than we could have ever planned. That's the beauty of it. ;) It's just so hard waiting to see what's down the road.
I am so anxious to get out of here! I know that the grass is always greener and I'll be homesick two weeks after leaving but I'm still ready. I think we're all at the point where we have come to realize that family is wonderful but sometimes they're so much more wonderful when you can come to visit.
Please say a prayer and think positive thoughts for us. We're really stuck in limbo more now than we ever have been. Please pray that Daddy will say safe and healthy as he loses a few pounds and please say a prayer for patience for everyone in this house.
Friday, February 13, 2009
A Light
I am so happy to say that there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel we've been living in.
We have been talking quite a bit recently about which path to take and it looks like we got our answer today. I said a prayer last night for God to lead us in the right direction. God is good.
As most of you know, Daddy has been struggling to find a job since October. I'm not joking when I say that he has nearly TWO HUNDRED applications out there floating around. Sure, we've gotten phone calls but most of them are dead ends.
About a month ago I suggested that if we didn't have any job prospects by the middle of March that we consider going back to active duty (EXACTLY what we DIDN'T want to have to do.)
This morning Daddycalled the Air Force recruiting office in Erie to ask some questions about the process of re-entering after separating and joining the Reserves. The phone call was really only to gather information so that we were armed when it came time to make our decision. As it turns out there are no openings for his career field on the active duty side. It is very seriously over-manned, etc., etc., etc. This means that if he wanted to go back to active duty he'd have to cross-train into another field and *fingers crossed* try to get something that he was interested in.
Then the guy mentioned that there were recruiting positions available.
This was absolutely not something he had ever considered.
After a long talk we've decided that this is best for us right now. When we left Alaska in August we had now way of knowing that the economy would take such a severe nose dive. (Plus, most of Alaska is isolated from the horrible economy. Things really aren't that bad there.) We can't live here forever and, as it stands now, we have no prospects and no end in sight.
Today there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Once he is trained we'll be able to choose where we'd like to be (from a list of available openings). This is the complete opposite of being "regular" active duty and not really having a say in where you go (even though they like you to think you do).
This is exactly what we need right now. He'll have a stable Monday through Friday job with no weekends and no possibility of deploying. We'll receive BAH and BAS and we'll be on the same pay scale as before. (Which is, quite frankly, more than we're making now...which is NOTHING!)
We'll be able to purchase a home with confidence that his job will be there in a week. In this economy, this is what we need.
So we start the process today. I'm not sure how long it will take to do the paperwork (and for Daddy to work off the 20 pounds he's gained LOL) but we have a plan.
And having a plan is good.
We have been talking quite a bit recently about which path to take and it looks like we got our answer today. I said a prayer last night for God to lead us in the right direction. God is good.
As most of you know, Daddy has been struggling to find a job since October. I'm not joking when I say that he has nearly TWO HUNDRED applications out there floating around. Sure, we've gotten phone calls but most of them are dead ends.
About a month ago I suggested that if we didn't have any job prospects by the middle of March that we consider going back to active duty (EXACTLY what we DIDN'T want to have to do.)
This morning Daddycalled the Air Force recruiting office in Erie to ask some questions about the process of re-entering after separating and joining the Reserves. The phone call was really only to gather information so that we were armed when it came time to make our decision. As it turns out there are no openings for his career field on the active duty side. It is very seriously over-manned, etc., etc., etc. This means that if he wanted to go back to active duty he'd have to cross-train into another field and *fingers crossed* try to get something that he was interested in.
Then the guy mentioned that there were recruiting positions available.
This was absolutely not something he had ever considered.
After a long talk we've decided that this is best for us right now. When we left Alaska in August we had now way of knowing that the economy would take such a severe nose dive. (Plus, most of Alaska is isolated from the horrible economy. Things really aren't that bad there.) We can't live here forever and, as it stands now, we have no prospects and no end in sight.
Today there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Once he is trained we'll be able to choose where we'd like to be (from a list of available openings). This is the complete opposite of being "regular" active duty and not really having a say in where you go (even though they like you to think you do).
This is exactly what we need right now. He'll have a stable Monday through Friday job with no weekends and no possibility of deploying. We'll receive BAH and BAS and we'll be on the same pay scale as before. (Which is, quite frankly, more than we're making now...which is NOTHING!)
We'll be able to purchase a home with confidence that his job will be there in a week. In this economy, this is what we need.
So we start the process today. I'm not sure how long it will take to do the paperwork (and for Daddy to work off the 20 pounds he's gained LOL) but we have a plan.
And having a plan is good.
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